Quite often we do not succeed in our professional or personal goals not because we lack the ability or the persistence needed, but simply due to our inability to influence others.

You see, whatever we do involves the cooperation of others (customers, friends, colleagues, employees etc); therefore if we cannot communicate our messages effectively those “others” will not contribute to our success.

Here are some tips:

Appearance: It is true that we our judged first on our appearance before any other factor (personality, intentions etc). It is also true that people tend to be influenced more by people they like. This is exactly the reason why famous models and actors are used to promote products on TV ads: liking increases the chances that our message has an impact on our target audience. Thus, physical fitness (through regular exercise, correct / balanced nutrition) and dressing in style (knowing what colors look best on you, investing in a quality wardrobe, having a stylish haircut etc), are all extremely important things for people in sales, marketing, public relations, professionals, artists, and politicians wishing to succeed in their field.

Knowledge: There is an abundance of articles in social psychology concerned with the power of expert opinion in shaping our attitudes and behaviors. Scientific studies such as the famous Milgram experiment by the Yale University psychologist Stanley Milgram in 1961, have demonstrated the willingness of people to obey the orders of authority figures / experts. This is the reason why dentists (or actors dressed like dentists) appear on TV promoting tooth pastes, technicians promoting building materials (paints etc), and top hair stylists promoting shampoos! Hence, if you want to make a real difference in your field, you should devote enough time and effort to study books, magazines, articles, attend seminars and classes to acquire the knowledge you need to become the No1 expert in your field.

Self-confidence: Investing in your appearance, getting dressed well, and knowing more than your average colleague or competitor will also have a positive impact on your self-confidence. A construct similar to self-confidence is self-esteem, which is your overall evaluation of your own total worth. If you believe that you are a valuable, interesting, important, competent, and worth loving person, these beliefs are reflected on every aspect of your social behavior and make other people like you and trust you more. Building confidence requires time, practice and determination. The best way to raise your self-esteem is to set clear goals and then work hard on them. Every time you succeed in a goal your self-esteem is elevated. Every time you accomplish a goal -even a small one- reward yourself (buy yourself a nice dinner, listen to your favorite song etc). In addition, to increase your self-esteem you should ignore destructive -negative criticism from others; do not worry about being always perfect; don’t try to please everybody all the time; assert your own needs and rights! Start spending your time with positive people who have goals, inspire you, encourage you, and love you. Moreover, to gain self-confidence you should gradually alter your “self-talk”. You see, if you constantly tell yourself how stupid you are, you are likely to act as such

-confirming your own “self-fulfilling prophecy”. So, instead of negative self thinking, visualize yourself as being already successful, and every time you look at yourself in the mirror try to find something good about you, something you’ve already done successfully, and… praise yourself!

Sociability: Sociability does not necessarily imply that every night you are going from one party to another. Although sociability is a facet of the personality construct extroversion, which is to a large extent a trait you are born with, what really matters is not sociability per se as a component of your genetic makeup, but “social skillfulness”. Social skillfulness refers to a set of social skills that you can practice and develop just like any other skill you’ve learned in your life (speaking a foreign language, playing the piano, typing etc). Social skillfulness basically means listening carefully to others, putting yourself in the place of others, authentically acknowledging their thoughts and feelings, finding common grounds, making them feel understood (from this point of view, social skillfulness resembles more to “empathy” and emotional intelligence than to extroversion). Therefore, in order to enhance your social skills try to change your behaviors first: give compliments to others instead of criticism and complains, place importance on making new social contacts, finding new friends, hobbies and activities that interest you, smile as much as you can, and finally, enjoy your life more. If you keep practicing these skills, you’ll soon find yourself changing into the kind of person that everybody likes and trusts: a socially successful personality!

George Profetis, PhD – management consultant & coach http://www.profetisconsulting.weebly.com

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