Job Interview Tips – Confidently Beg Your Way to Your Dream Job

Jul 19th, 2007 | By Bill | Category: Employment News



Job Interview Tips – Confidently Beg Your Way to Your Dream Job by Patrick

If you’ve ever been on an interview and find yourself explaining how elevators work when asked “do you have experience in sales?” you should read this…

I was supposed to be a cartoonist. When I was 11, I took a proficiency test to see what career I would be most suited for when I grew up. After a couple of hours of answering questions like “do you like the smell of concrete?” my teacher sat me down and told me I was destined to be a cartoonist. Funny thing was I couldn’t draw. The most artistic thing I had done up to that point was when I spent the night at my friend’s house and drew a map to the bathroom on my hand so I could find it in the middle of the night.

15 years later and a cartoonist I am not. Instead I work for a large publishing company using phrases like “hump day” and asking soul searching questions like “am I the type of guy who can pull off french cuff shirts?” No matter how much I complain about my current job, I’m grateful to have it. Primarily because the process of getting a job is sandwiched between getting attacked by dogs and licking a homeless person on my list of least enjoyable things.

What makes finding a job so terrible is the dreaded interview. Here are a few guidelines to help you the next time you confidently beg for a job:

Clothes:
It’s always a good idea to look sharp. Even if the job you’re interviewing for is to convince hippies they’re doing too much with their lives, it’s better to error on the side of being taken too seriously. However, don’t try to be someone you’re not.

If you answer the question “where did you get that suit?” with “Salvation Army” you might as well answer with “I’m going to steal from you.”

Response:
When someone is speaking to you, it’s a good idea to let them know you’re listening. This can be done with eye contact, a simple head nod or by saying “uh-huh”. Of course, that’s how everyone responds and you’re trying to differentiate yourself. Instead of saying “uh-huh” say “duuuhhh”. It’s impossible for a boss to forget an interview that goes like this:

Boss: “We’ve got offices in San Francisco, Chicago and San Diego”
Interviewer: “Duuuuuh”
Boss: “…we…we are the second largest producer-”
Interviewer: “Duuuuuuhhhhh”
Boss: “of,,,towels”

When you’re not saying “duh” to them, make sure you’re providing solid eye contact. Not just any eye contact, though. Your eye contact should subliminally say “Look, man, if it was just you and me in a boat with only enough food for one us…you ain’t gonna make it.” Subliminal intimidation. It’s as important as a resume.

Resume:
Some people think it’s important to put their resume on nice paper. Some people think they should put their names at the top in font size 62. The truth is that a boss will only look at roughly 8% of all resumes they receive. Who knows how you got the interview, but if there’s something on your resume you think might get you the job, better hand it to your potential boss with style.

This is where magic can be used in a real world application. No boss in the world cares that you didn’t graduate high school if you present them with a resume that shoots out of your sleeves. Need something more impressive? Break into the office the night before and tape a copy of your resume under the desk. Then when he asks for a copy you can say “you already have it” and start making those magicy fingers people do.

Questions:
One typical question interviewers love to ask, so it doesn’t look like they’re making their decision solely on how you look, is “what is your biggest strength?” Be prepared for this so you can knock it out of the park. Here are two approaches:

1) Be humble – “at my last job they wanted to give me an award for being the best employee ever. They kept begging and pleading with me to come to an award ceremony in my honor, but I just said ‘give me the cash.’”
2) Be honest – “I hate my wife so I’ll want to work late.”

Of course, with every question of strength comes a question of biggest weakness. It’s one of the lamest questions of all time because everyone tries to turn their “weakness” into a strength. If you’re going to go that route, do it right and say “I throw up blood every time I miss a deadline.”

Ending:
Never leave with a weak handshake or with an ambiguous moment. Simply stand up. Thank them for their time and hand them a note that says “Do you like me? Yes or no. Circle one.”

Follow up:
A creative follow up is like a line before you kiss someone – it doesn’t matter what it is, they’ve made up their mind about you already. Do people think they’re going to get a job because they sent someone 5 lbs of green M&Ms and a note say “I’m going to bring your company the green!”??

If you must do something creative, try having twenty pizzas delivered to their office every day at lunch until they make you an offer. They’ll remember you, no question.

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